Need Help Please: upcoming MEB but I just want to separate and leave.

J

JoeFromSoho

PEB Forum Regular Member
Registered Member
Hello, been reading the forum for awhile. I have a serious question for Jason or anyone else with knowledge on what I can do. I have been informed of a pending full MEB, but there is something bothering me.

I have been AD for about 3 years, and multiple injuries on the job have caused me to become debilitated and unable to work, workout, or function regularly. I was removed from my primary duties over 10 months ago, and haven't done anything relating to my AFSC in about 15 months (from training). I also am mentally ill, and am not right in the head, from a long history of depression and adjustment problems as well as a sleep disorder. The amount of pain I'm in is bad, and I'm suffering daily. On top of that my wife was nearly driven to the point of suicide during my long course of treatment because we live in the middle of nowhere (one of those bases). She recently relocated to a bigger city near my family because she literally could not find literally any work here and resorted to becoming dependent on prescription meds just to negate the feeling of hopelessness. I have had mental breakdown after mental breakdown from dealing with both of these at the same time, my wife and my own unfortunate circumstances including my poor health and deteriorating health. I am on so many prescriptions for controlled substances that I feel like I'm already dead.

I was told by my PEBLO that these things take up to a year to finish. My mental health deteriorates further and further every year. I can't stand it anymore, but I don't want to die and I don't want to hurt anyone or go to jail etc, I just want to get the hell out. I will not and cannot live here another year doing mundane shit if that, in this base in the middle of nowhere having to drive all over the place just to get around. It hurts me to drive long distances.

I was also told by the PEBLO that for full MEBs I have the option to decline doing the IDES process and just be separated, going to the VA after I separate to file a claim. Is there any way to do this? I want to go back to my family and be with my wife where she is happy and I will have some relief during my long recovery. I don't need money I just need a change of scenery. My marriage won't hold up if I'm stuck where I'm at another year and I can't have that, because my wife, other than my faith, is the only person in my life that keeps me from having suicidal thoughts.

My job never turned out the way I wanted it to, I'm not an asset to anyone and just a liability, thats the truth. I can't deal with this daily grind anymore of appointment after appointment, medicine after medicine, just for the purpose of staying in the military. Is there any way I can vouch or end this sooner? I know for a fact that if I am forced to wait at my current location in my current state (where there's no VA offices either go figure) for another year that I will be a goner. My wife will leave me even if I don't want a divorce, I'll end up doing something illegal or hurt myself etc etc. All things I don't want to happen.

I can't say that I "will hurt myself if I'm forced to stay here" to my military providers because I feel like they are itchy to put people in a psyche ward and I don't want that, or they will get mad at me because theres this hatred for people who don't want to be in anymore. Its like walking on glass, I don't know how to advocate for myself and my wife. I just want out. I will have to carry my injuries with me the rest of my life and thats bad enough but I don't want to wait around just to get a lousy VA check.

Any advice will be helpful. Thanks

~Joe
 
Hi Joe,
I agree with Fowler...I read your story and it understand that you and your wife have been on a long and painful journey both physically and mentally. I beg you to meet with a post ombudsman or patient advocate at the hospital or MTF and discuss your concerns. You deserve care and support now, while processing through an MEB, and after you leave the service. I understand it feels hard and currently seems dark, but things can improve. Is their someone in your unit who you are close with that can provide you some support, would feel comfortable asking them to go with you to the MTF patient advocate or ombudsman ? Let us know how things are going ( I will be checking the site). Where are you located ?
 
Thanks for the replies. I feel if I disclose too much people at my base may recognize who I am after reading this. I do not think people will understand that I just need to get out asap. I don't need money and I don't need tricare. All the treatment that they've done so far hasn't done anything for me except exacerbate my spiral into deep depression, as well as make me a numb zombie who still can't think straight or concentrate and has developed a dependency on the prescriptions just to take away how shitty I feel on a daily basis. I just want to go back to my family and cut my losses. My wounds will stay with me but I cannot lose my wife and I need to be with her, but for her own safety and health, at the recommendation of her own psychiatrist, we had her move out ahead of me.

I thought about applying for a hardship discharge or letting command see me have a mental breakdown and maybe they would admin sep me but I don't know, I just can't deal with all this. I was already permanently disqualified from my AFSC duties before the damn MEB even started. I'm not suicidal but there's no telling what could happen if I'm stuck in this place for another year plus. I did some research on where I am and found out that there's been an obscene amount of airmen who have offed themselves at my base, as well as people snapping and going legit crazy (getting in legal trouble) while waiting here for their MEB. I worry that if I reveal these true feelings they will look at me like a traitor who just wants out. I don't think it matters at this point, the man they contracted years ago was a completely different person than me. My sanity left planet earth long ago. I can't suffer here in the middle of nowhere while my family is far away.

The question remains, is it possible to just separate and avoid the VA portion of the MEB for a finding of unfit? I'm beyond unable to do my job, what I want is to be close to my family. I don't care nor need benefits. I can file a claim with the VA after I separate but it is just not possible for me to stay where I am without further damage being done. I'm stuck in a pool of stagnant water ever since I went down a slippery slope thats been getting steeper every year. All that "care" and "treatment" will be for nothing if I am worse. How can I explain this to them (MTF providers and command) without touching their nerves or rustling their feathers? Its like the elephant in the room. I am not getting better. I understand they have been trying to fix me but enough is enough and I have to tap out soon or I may not be able to in the future.

TL;DR version: Suffering 24/7 pending full MEB, my wife and family mean more to me than any benefits ever could, and I just need to go back to them.
 
All I can say is that man, when I've been morbidly depressed, I had a hard time seeing too far into the future, and it was hard for me to really weigh the significance of my actions.

I think that perhaps going with the meb and allowing this process to go through might in the long run, years from now, or even a year from now, be the best decision you could have made.

But I'm not you. I hope that you can find guidance to where you want to go and I'm very sorry to be able to read the sadness on your words. My only advice which wasn't asked for is, go with the med board.
 
Try being morbidly depressed for a year plus. I don't even feel alive anymore. I would rather take an admin sep and be gone in a few weeks than wait a year for benefits I'll never use and risk something bad likely happening as well.

So I've gone over regulations but I want to be sure on this, the option to forfeit the VA / Full MEB for a separation instead does exist? I just want to be sure because I will be submitting some kind of request to AFPC when I find out what is going on, and if not to AFPC, then through my chain for an admin sep.
 
You DO need compensation for your injuries. You DO need Tricare if your MEB process plays out.

The reason you need to stay and get care is because of the way you are feeling/talking/writing.

Everything is telling you to run when you need to stay and get better. Much can be done over the next few months.
 
MEB started in July for me. I was out in December. I would implore you to reconsider. Should you be medically retired, you and your family will be able to have good health insurance for the rest of your life. Also, it will allow you to have a paycheck as soon as you get out of the military from the VA. I know it will be long, trust me I was sitting on a computer for those 5 months, but I am glad I went through it. Whatever you decide, I hope that you will have a long and happy life after your service.
 
Hey Joe,
Please stay connected, as you can see by this web site, people care and many of us and one time we’re in the exact same place you sit today. So I hope this note finds you well today. Last night I was researching ways in which you might be able to undergo the MEB remotely ...due your wife’s medical condition. This might be an ETP ( exception to policy request). It would most likely require help from the MTF patient advocate, ombudsman or chaplain. Is this something you would be able to find out? This would or should not impact your position or relationship with your command and might be a win-win for all...Does a VA hospital exist near your home of record or where your wife lives...? Does the Air Force offer remote medical care for soldiers near their home of record? Would anyone on this site know if the Air Force offers remote care ???
 
Ocean, if I could go through this MEB elsewhere with my family and wife it would help. As a matter of fact there are VA hospitals at both my parents location and my wife's new location. I just need to get out of this shit-stain part of the country. Its the deep south and its very depressing just being here. I'm in one of those places thats like when someone is driving and gets off at a wrong exit on the interstate for gas or something, only I live there and I feel trapped like I'm never going to leave this place.

My wife depended on me for everything for a long time and she still is not well without me but it is literally SO depressing here that it would have driven her to suicide if she stayed. Her civilian psychiatrist said it this whole situation is ridiculous and the first thing he said is for us to leave this area, of course the military psyches cannot process such a simple 2+2=4 situation like this. People were suggesting divorce but obviously have no clue nor care for how some people still hold marriage to be sacred and special above all else. She is feeling much better where she is now and is already finding easy well-paying work, but she misses me something fierce. I need to be in a big city with her where its easy to get around and get things done, I can't live out here in the middle of nowhere especially having to drive long distances to 10+ different doctors for all my conditions. It's also very humid here which exacerbates my health, I get sick at least once a month, sometimes twice or more with some bug and it takes forever to go away. Don't remember what it feels like to experience any kind of joy or happiness, there's just pain, dread, misery, and apathy all the time.

I am thinking about going to the patient advocate or ombudsman soon, at least when I get word back from AFPC. I don't care what people call me, a pussy, a loser, a traitor, a weakling, blah blah, I cannot and will not live here for another year. Staying in the military itself is exacerbating my problems and I'm clearly ineffective and not cut out for this, I just never expected to deteriorate so badly or reach a point of no return so soon. Still, if they allow me to separate and void the VA portion of the MEB, the point is moot, I'll just file a claim with the VA as soon as I move out of this hole in the ground.
 
Hey JoeFromSoho,
We’re you able to ck in regarding filing an ETP through the exceptional family member program due to your wife’s medical condition (before starting the MEB).
 
I tried to send you a message Ocean, can you PM me instead? It would be easier to talk about without this being public
 
Hey Joe,
Sorry for the delay my mother is ill & placed in Hospice last week...I have several resources, please try & reach out to them. Prior to reaching out write out your issue/issues so that when you connect you are grounded in your presentation, explain what is going on, medical issues with your wife as well as yourself, desired outcomes . So points of contacts for Wounded Warrior Mentor Program ( WWMP) can assist navigating the Disability system, can provide guidance & advise, outreach, benefits etc.
POC Air Force; Jim Connally 703-625-8839...email address [email protected].
WWMP IDES program manager; Jon Dodson 703-307-1747 , email [email protected]. Please reach out for assistance. If the individuals noted cannot address your needs then perhaps they can connect you with those who can. One is One source, another is program...I do not know how the pm works on this site...anyway hope you & yours are doing as well as can be expected...please let me know how things are going...or not....
 
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