I made a post last week asking for advice on surviving post-Army in college with a young child and wife.
Shit changed quickly in a matter of a few days.
My wife was 10 weeks along, and we decided to tell the family. My father and her mother were crying from joy and excited to become grandparents. I was excited to be a father. We were buying cute baby clothes, making plans, and changing our diet and lifestyle to prepare.
My wife called me on Tuesday while I was at a SFLTAP class. Blood.
I ran her to the ER, and we spent the night there. Gyno checked her out, and we were optimistic that it wasn't bad. HCG levels were normal for how far along she was, and the bleeding wasn't excessive.
Wednesday was scary, but I had another SFLTAP class. I got another text from my wife: blood and excessive pain. I pulled the instructor aside and said, "I have to leave; my wife is pregnant, and-" she cut me off and said, "It's fine, and congratulations." I didn't tell her it wasn't good news, but I left.
Drive to the ER and spend the day there again. They do an ultrasound and recheck HCG. HCG dropped, and it confirmed she miscarried. We were a wreck. I let my PSG and SL know. They said, "Don't worry about coming in tomorrow." Spent the night crying, and my wife and I counseled each other.
The next morning, I got a call and had to go into the clinic at 0900 for something; an NCO was there to escort me. Figured it was a commander evaluation or something. Fine, whatever, it'll take thirty minutes, and I'll be home.
It was a computer assessment asking about my distress levels and how I was feeling followed by me speaking with a random Captain. He began by stating that I was highly intelligent and stated my GT score back to me and then asked how I'm doing. I said "I'm doing terrible" and told him what happened the day prior. He then stated that I scored so high on my distress levels that it was inconclusive and asked what I thought of that. What was I supposed to say? Sorry? I just shrugged my shoulders and shortly after it was over and I went home.
About two hours later I get a call from another random Captain I've never met. It's my new squadron provider. He tells me that "based on my evaluation today that I'm either faking my PTSD or highly exaggerating my symptoms" and that he's never met me despite my PTSD (I been recieving treatment for the past year and a half at the clinic and this Captain is not with BH).
After he hung up the phone, I drove up to the clinic. I was having a full on breakdown. I was looking for Patient Advocacy and the staff could tell I was in distress. A receptionist stopped me and asked what was wrong and I brokedown. I couldn't even get through the whole story.
A female medical NCO then grabbed me and brought me to a room where the Captain saw me. I asked what was going on and he went on a spiel. In no specific order he stated:
* You are either faking or exaggerating your symptoms
* You cancelled all of your future appointments after being referred to IDES (I was referred to IDES because I walked out of an appointment, had a breakdown, and canceled all my future appointments. I didn't even know I was referred to IDES until a week later).
* You are abusing a system meant for combat veterans (Yes, he really said this verbatim. I guess I should be upset my buddy didn't kill himself in Afghanistan or Iraq. I also guess PTSD is limited to combat veterans, I must have missed that through treatment)
* You've refused to speak with a provider during every pre-deployment assessment (I've been non-deployable for months and I've mentioned my diagnosis during every assessment. Why would I need to speak with a provider if I'm recieving treatment for it already?)
* You can't possibly be this distressed
During all of this I was crying and struggling to maintain my composure. The female medical NCO witnessed the entire incident and this Captain was smug and obviously revelled in catching a shitbag trying to abuse Army medicine for his own gain. I just said "let me see the Patient Advocate" and he smiled and said "sure." I spoke with a LtCol and a Captain from Patient Advocacy. I told them everything from my treatment, diagnosis, to the miscarriage and examination that morning. They were sympathetic but they just had me see a social worker due to my current mental state. I felt like I was just blown off by anyone in the clinic that could do anything.
In December 2021, one of my best friend's hung himself immediately following drinking with us. Found him at 0500 and we watched his body get taken out of the barracks at 1200. I was diagnosed with PTSD in June of 2022 following long term insomnia, nightmares, behavioral issues, etc. It was the third buddy I had take his own life at that point in the Army, but it was the first time I was there.
I've been through outpatient treatment at the local clinic for over a year. I went TDY for an Intensive Outpatient Program specifically for PTSD. I was diagnosed multiple times. I've been on medication the entire time and currently take prazosin, ambien, and an SSRI.
I've contact a local MEB representative and a lawyer for soldiers in IDES. Both told me the same thing, "this captain can only recommend, he wasn't the person that referred you so he can't pull it." After I got back from work today I checked my MEDPROs and it shows my P3 profile for PTSD is gone.
I'm now able to fully maintain a weapon system and deploy, despite having PTSD that has shown no signs of getting better and having severe suicidal ideations.
I don't know where to go from here. I guess I'm just screaming to the void.
This Captain said he's going to attempt to give me a 5-14 Chapter and kick me out within the next two months. I've made plans for transistion, but now I'm going to have no support on the way out. I don't have a job lined up, I won't have college worked out, and I won't even get treatment. I'm only an infantryman, and there's no much use for dudes that spent their time shooting guns if we aren't mentally fit.
My chain of command can't help because this is a medical decision. Everyone I've contacted on the medical and legal side hasn't given me any help outside of words of support.
Do I have any options or am I just screwed? I know by regs I can't get a 5-14 Chapter without going through IDES first, but I don't know if this counts as "going through IDES." I've considered contacting my congressmen, but only because I'm confident nobody in my entire garrison can help me.
Honestly, given I have no transition plan and I no longer have a child on the way, I've been highly considering ending my life. I can't imagine not being able to support my wife and dealing with the transition. I know the SGLI will net her a good amount of money to survive on for a while. I'll leave a suicide note and do it away from home, I don't want her to struggle the same way I did after seeing what happened to my friend. My wife is amazing and beautiful, and I'm sure she will be able to remarry and have an amazing life with someone who doesn't struggle so much.
I'm sorry about the wall of text and about the rant. It's all just coming out as it comes to mind.
Thanks in advance
Shit changed quickly in a matter of a few days.
My wife was 10 weeks along, and we decided to tell the family. My father and her mother were crying from joy and excited to become grandparents. I was excited to be a father. We were buying cute baby clothes, making plans, and changing our diet and lifestyle to prepare.
My wife called me on Tuesday while I was at a SFLTAP class. Blood.
I ran her to the ER, and we spent the night there. Gyno checked her out, and we were optimistic that it wasn't bad. HCG levels were normal for how far along she was, and the bleeding wasn't excessive.
Wednesday was scary, but I had another SFLTAP class. I got another text from my wife: blood and excessive pain. I pulled the instructor aside and said, "I have to leave; my wife is pregnant, and-" she cut me off and said, "It's fine, and congratulations." I didn't tell her it wasn't good news, but I left.
Drive to the ER and spend the day there again. They do an ultrasound and recheck HCG. HCG dropped, and it confirmed she miscarried. We were a wreck. I let my PSG and SL know. They said, "Don't worry about coming in tomorrow." Spent the night crying, and my wife and I counseled each other.
The next morning, I got a call and had to go into the clinic at 0900 for something; an NCO was there to escort me. Figured it was a commander evaluation or something. Fine, whatever, it'll take thirty minutes, and I'll be home.
It was a computer assessment asking about my distress levels and how I was feeling followed by me speaking with a random Captain. He began by stating that I was highly intelligent and stated my GT score back to me and then asked how I'm doing. I said "I'm doing terrible" and told him what happened the day prior. He then stated that I scored so high on my distress levels that it was inconclusive and asked what I thought of that. What was I supposed to say? Sorry? I just shrugged my shoulders and shortly after it was over and I went home.
About two hours later I get a call from another random Captain I've never met. It's my new squadron provider. He tells me that "based on my evaluation today that I'm either faking my PTSD or highly exaggerating my symptoms" and that he's never met me despite my PTSD (I been recieving treatment for the past year and a half at the clinic and this Captain is not with BH).
After he hung up the phone, I drove up to the clinic. I was having a full on breakdown. I was looking for Patient Advocacy and the staff could tell I was in distress. A receptionist stopped me and asked what was wrong and I brokedown. I couldn't even get through the whole story.
A female medical NCO then grabbed me and brought me to a room where the Captain saw me. I asked what was going on and he went on a spiel. In no specific order he stated:
* You are either faking or exaggerating your symptoms
* You cancelled all of your future appointments after being referred to IDES (I was referred to IDES because I walked out of an appointment, had a breakdown, and canceled all my future appointments. I didn't even know I was referred to IDES until a week later).
* You are abusing a system meant for combat veterans (Yes, he really said this verbatim. I guess I should be upset my buddy didn't kill himself in Afghanistan or Iraq. I also guess PTSD is limited to combat veterans, I must have missed that through treatment)
* You've refused to speak with a provider during every pre-deployment assessment (I've been non-deployable for months and I've mentioned my diagnosis during every assessment. Why would I need to speak with a provider if I'm recieving treatment for it already?)
* You can't possibly be this distressed
During all of this I was crying and struggling to maintain my composure. The female medical NCO witnessed the entire incident and this Captain was smug and obviously revelled in catching a shitbag trying to abuse Army medicine for his own gain. I just said "let me see the Patient Advocate" and he smiled and said "sure." I spoke with a LtCol and a Captain from Patient Advocacy. I told them everything from my treatment, diagnosis, to the miscarriage and examination that morning. They were sympathetic but they just had me see a social worker due to my current mental state. I felt like I was just blown off by anyone in the clinic that could do anything.
In December 2021, one of my best friend's hung himself immediately following drinking with us. Found him at 0500 and we watched his body get taken out of the barracks at 1200. I was diagnosed with PTSD in June of 2022 following long term insomnia, nightmares, behavioral issues, etc. It was the third buddy I had take his own life at that point in the Army, but it was the first time I was there.
I've been through outpatient treatment at the local clinic for over a year. I went TDY for an Intensive Outpatient Program specifically for PTSD. I was diagnosed multiple times. I've been on medication the entire time and currently take prazosin, ambien, and an SSRI.
I've contact a local MEB representative and a lawyer for soldiers in IDES. Both told me the same thing, "this captain can only recommend, he wasn't the person that referred you so he can't pull it." After I got back from work today I checked my MEDPROs and it shows my P3 profile for PTSD is gone.
I'm now able to fully maintain a weapon system and deploy, despite having PTSD that has shown no signs of getting better and having severe suicidal ideations.
I don't know where to go from here. I guess I'm just screaming to the void.
This Captain said he's going to attempt to give me a 5-14 Chapter and kick me out within the next two months. I've made plans for transistion, but now I'm going to have no support on the way out. I don't have a job lined up, I won't have college worked out, and I won't even get treatment. I'm only an infantryman, and there's no much use for dudes that spent their time shooting guns if we aren't mentally fit.
My chain of command can't help because this is a medical decision. Everyone I've contacted on the medical and legal side hasn't given me any help outside of words of support.
Do I have any options or am I just screwed? I know by regs I can't get a 5-14 Chapter without going through IDES first, but I don't know if this counts as "going through IDES." I've considered contacting my congressmen, but only because I'm confident nobody in my entire garrison can help me.
Honestly, given I have no transition plan and I no longer have a child on the way, I've been highly considering ending my life. I can't imagine not being able to support my wife and dealing with the transition. I know the SGLI will net her a good amount of money to survive on for a while. I'll leave a suicide note and do it away from home, I don't want her to struggle the same way I did after seeing what happened to my friend. My wife is amazing and beautiful, and I'm sure she will be able to remarry and have an amazing life with someone who doesn't struggle so much.
I'm sorry about the wall of text and about the rant. It's all just coming out as it comes to mind.
Thanks in advance