Am I being fucked over?

AttitudeEra said:
Thank you for responding.. Thank goodness because I feel like I'm holding on by a thread.
Click to expand...
You're welcome! Although every time I have been inpatient it was involuntary, I can honestly say it was where I needed to be at the time.
You have to be your own advocate because nobody knows what's going on in your head unless you tell them. If you feel you need help and you think inpatient is the best thing for you right now, then get the help you need!!
As far as your "leadership", they wont matter one single bit when you get out of the military and the way they treat you now is a testimate of their true character and of them as "leaders".
I was fortunate to have a unit who supported me throughout the entire process even after I was transferred to the WTB, but unfortunately there are too many service members going through this process who do not have the support system they need.
 
The USAF does have a Wounded Warrior program, similar to the Navy Safe Harbor/USMC Wounded Warrior Battalion and Army Wounded Warrior.

Attached is a PowerPoint slide from the public USAF website that makes the Air Force Wounded Warrior program clear as mud but some of the terms, acronyms and abbreviations I am not familiar with (I'm a retired Army officer so me not know Air Force words)

http://www.woundedwarrior.af.mil/shared/media/document/AFD-160325-042.pdf
 
I am sorry for your situation. I am Bipolar, PTSD and with ferocious insomnia myself and I can say that you are not alone. I would seek counseling right now through a VA mental health office. You can seek treatment there regardless if your Active or Vet. I did this with a tremendous amount of support. Most VA mental health facilities also have great wards because everyone is either military or veteran. Plus you start repore with the VA and start a case file. If you are suicidal and seems in like you are in the post writings. Do not hesitate to get treatment. Regardless of inpatient status or not you should never let others dictate the best for you and your health . You go there to get help figuring out what is wrong with you. No one should blame you for that. Once that happens the AF should make commendations for you with the unit and either transfer you to a WW Bn or facility/unit that works best for your disabilities. I wish the best for you. Remember one day at a time, and try not to worry about the future or dealings with the past. There is nothing you can do about that. But one day, the day your on is the focus. Best of luck.
 
AttitudeEra said:
Hey tony! I just read your response to a random post about 5 minutes ago, and you're one of the most unintentionally funny people on this forum. Just thought I'd say lol

How have your experiences been with depakote? I don't wanna take it if it makes me feel worse than I already do. Did you feel a noticeable change when you first took it?

Also, what do you think my ratings will be? And will going inpatient make this process take way longer a little longer?
I'm willing to try it one more time if it doesn't drag out the process too much longer. (even though military psych wards are empty gestures pretending to give a fuck about mental health to look good in the public eye)
Click to expand...

Depakote has been a Godsend. I was tried on the following drugs for 3 years with no relief at all and in some instances the drugs made my symptoms worse: Paxil, Zoloft, abilify, fetzema, remeron, lexapro, lamictal, and Xanax. I also heavily self medicated with whiskey while on said drugs as well as insomnia meds for 3 years and basically didn't care if I woke up or not every morning.

2 weeks ago I went inpatient in a VA Psych ward for a week due to suicidal thoughts. It was very dull and boring time but worth it as they had me 24/7 for a week to adjust depakote and insomnia meds. This was much better than waiting for weeks/months for my psychiatrist to figure it out.


I am now on 1000 MG of depakote a day, extended release and it has drastically curbed both my suicidal ideations (which I sometimes obsessed over, thinking of suicide nearly nonstop) and I feel as if I am starting to turn the corner and can see the possibility of getting better again. I do have a few ups and downs still, but they are manageable now.

As a last resort, if the depakote hadn't worked, they were talking of electro convulsive therapy. It is not as "shocking" as it sounds, it is actually very modernized medicine and they put you under general anesthesia and induce a one minute seizure which basically resets some of the brain functions. It is said to work very well in cases where medications do not. It generally takes 2-4 weeks of 3 sessions per week.
 
Last edited:
AttitudeEra said:
According to my mental health PCM, I was originally being boarded for Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, and Insomnia. (I'm USAF by the way)

My NARSUM states that I only have Major Depressive Disorder, Severe, Recurrent (unfitting/severe), Social Anxiety Disorder with Panic Attacks (unfitting/moderate), Insomnia (fitting), and ruled out PMDD, which he stated I have hallucinations due to sleep deprivation (which is bullshit). What do you think my ratings will be?

I don't mind him saying I don't have PTSD. That's fine. I'm to exhausted to care about that anymore. But me going insane, damn near becoming a new person, erratic sleep cycles where I don't go to sleep at all or sleep for 18 hours a day, having extreme mood changes, and multiple suicide attempts during my menstrual cycle is more than just fucking depression and social anxiety. From the multiple psychiatrists I've seen so far, they've all seemed hesitant to officially diagnose me with PMDD because it's rarely diagnosed in the military and they don't seem to know much about it, so they go the lazy route and just call it depression. My main psychiatrist thinks it may be Biploar that worsens around my period, which is still a better diagnosis than just depression.

Also, saying that my social anxiety is "moderate" is the understatement of the century. How is me barely even eating because I'm too afraid to go out in public to go grocery shopping, "moderate"? I don't even go to family functions because it's so bad. lol My EPR was the first bad one I've received, the 7.5 years I've been in, because I don't volunteer or go to school because of my inability to be around people I don't know or in big crowds of people without having anxiety attacks. My social anxiety is embarrassingly bad lol

He also didn't take into account that I have anxiety in general over the most mundane tasks. Just taking a shower or making a phone call takes me almost 30 minutes of self-talk to be able complete.

Once my MEB reaches the point of being able to get an impartial opinion from an unbiased doctor, that's probably what I'll do, if I make it to that point soon enough.

This has been the worst year of my military career and I'm sick of talking myself off of ledges every other day and being treated as if I'm mentally retarded instead of mentally ill by my squadron and my "leadership" (i use the term loosely). Since I'm not being properly diagnosed, I'm not being properly treated so I'm drained from trying to manage crippling symptoms at all times of the day. Anti-seizure medication is literally the only thing I've been prescribed for 8 months and I've told my doc multiple times that they're not doing anything for me. I'm at the point where I'm going to start throwing away a bunch of shit, cleaning my house out, getting my car detailed, and re-writing my will so that if I decide to finally pull the plug, it will be a smooth transition for my family to receive their inheritance with as much ease as possible. Suicide may not be my only option, but it's starting to look like the best option for all parties involved. My unit won't have to be burdened with my mental/emotional instability anymore, I won't have to deal with their disdain toward me, it will be one less case for IDES and the VA to have to work, and my family will be set for life. My family is already used to not seeing me and I wouldn't do anything too violent (like shooting myself in the head or jumping in front of a train) so that they wouldn't be too traumatized afterwards. And I'm writing in my will that I don't want a funeral because I don't wanna drag out their grieving. I'll also make it easy for the authorities to find my body so I won't be too decomposed and further traumatize my family.

I'm honestly sick of this shit and all I want is peace of mind. I've been dealing with mental health issues for years and I'm running on empty. I would go inpatient if I haven't been inpatient twice at 2 different facilities already. Inpatient is basically prison with prescription medication and no mental stimulation 24 hours a day. I also feel like going to another psych ward would make this MEB take a year longer and there's no way I can take being in my hellhole of a unit any longer than I already have to be there. I would literally rather die.
Click to expand...
 
I feel so bad for you I just started my MEB. I can believe you this is so hard. I know they have someone to support the DOD and the VA. They should have someone that supports the member that is going through the MEB itself. It's not right that you have to deal with the ups and downs of this. I hope everything works out for you and if you ever need someone to vent to or just talk please hit me up. I'm so depressed with this situation and like I said I just started. Please take care of yourself and keep your head up. Better days are coming thank you for sharing your story.
 
@AttitudeEra
Sorry I' slow to respond. I concur with what @gsfowler wrote above.

The AFI allow for a patient squadron within the MDG at each installation. You can be PCA'd to the MDG.

Best wishes
Mike
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top