It took me a while today to decide if I was going to post this or not. Honestly, I am scared out of my mind right now. So much is at stake, and I am not sure I am making the right decision. I am sorry for the novel, but I wanted portray what I have going on as best I could.
2011, Afghanistan, on a planned three day convoy providing bounding over watch (I am not an Infantry type) that ended up taking 11 days in total, the MATV I was driving barrel rolled down a hill after the ground gave out underneath us. Coming to rest, I had to be shaken awake and at the time was the only "issue" I had from it. But, as the adrenaline wore off, the next day I was in excruciating back pain. To where laying on my side was the only way to not be in as much pain. From that moment, my back pain has never subsided and at times when I sneeze or cough, both of my legs give out. Now, if I am standing still, I can catch myself should I be near a wall or counter. However, if I am mid stride and this happens, I buckle like a house of cards. Fun. This is also the point - after smashing the left side of my head against the bulletproof glass - that I began having left side migraines, only on my left side. Get back from that deployment, and we have a robust medical evaluation where it is determined I have a neurological issue happening and an MRI was ordered. We are now into mid-fall 2012. MRI comes back, the disc between L4/5 is torn completely in half, and is impacting the nerve bundle on the left side. From there, I was told that I needed a minimum of six months uninterrupted physical therapy mon-wed-fri for 1.5hrs each time. From the rank of Sgt through CWO2, that was unattainable. Especially during workups for a MEU. Fast fwd to Jan, 2020 and have been PCSd to a location that is not under direct Naval care other than a PCM. I am seen out in town by a civilian spine specialist and a orthopedic surgeon who after multiple xrays, MRIs and doc visits - as well as my patient history - determine that a spinal fusion is the way to go. Hell ya, lets do it. May 2020, the fusion is conducted. Everything is great until Aug/Sept of 2020. The pain is starting to come back, a different pain. Worse. Carrying my backpack in/out of work everyday is miserable, but hey, gotta eat right? Running, forget it. The bouncing makes the pain nearly unbearable and is residual for nearly a month depending on how far I attempted to run. So there goes PFTs and CFTs, yes at this point it is confirmed I am a Marine. I cannot carry weight in my arms outstretched, its misery reaching down to grab my 9mo old lol, which I have to do a lot. Dang kids. On top of all that, my issue with my legs buckling has come back, but now with left leg sensation loss, which as been confirmed with a Neurologist.
I am now into my second LIMDU, with orders - lets say - to leave the country by this summer. My PCM has already told me she will not allow that, and will medically deny me. I had an hour long conversation with our LIMDU Coordinator here - very knowledgeable - as well as a lengthy conversation with a good friend who told me about this amazing forum. Either way, if she denies the orders or I go on that 3rd LIMDU, it appears my time is up and that terrifies me. Not because I am a brainwashed Marine and I wont know what to do or how to act as a Civilian, but rather this process I am about to step into can either set me up for life, or really screw me.
I have over 16 years in, and I am scared out of my mind. The most scared I have ever been wearing this uniform bc of the numerous amount of unknowns which are about to envelope me with this process. I am concerned I am throwing 16 years down the drain, no retirement, no pension, nothing. I am doing my best to digest all of this knowledge both here and on various websites but I am getting lost in all of this information and how to best apply it. E.g., the Narrative Summary, spelling is hard for this guy lol how the hell am I supposed to punctually tell my story that properly conveys that my injuries are not compatible with military life? How do you convey pain, which is subjective? Along with that, because we were out on our own in Afghanistan, a Company strong with a medical capability that was far from robust, I doubt that information is in my record or found anywhere. My A-Driver in the MATV was killed by an IED on our next deployment and the other two in the truck, I don't even remember their names. I have reached out of our Chief that was there, in the hopes we can talk and he remembers what happened and can help draft up a statement but I am not sure that's enough to connect everything. I will talk with him later this evening, so we shall see.
I am looking for help, guidance, mentorship, and a shot of confidence as I do my best to stride head first into this.
Timeline of Injury
July 31, 2011: Vehicle rollercoaster ride
March/April 2012: Initial Diagnosis and MRI, showing disc torn completely in half between L4/5
May 2012- Dec 2019: Little to no help from Navy medicine, or my inability to make appointments (blame my lack of trust towards Naval medicine, or being unable to look my Cmdr in the and request so much time off to go "fix myself"). Leading to a deteriorating chronic back pain, and migraines multiple times a month, some debilitating. Meanwhile I deployed to Afgh again and did a MEU pump.
Feb 2020: Seen by civilian spine specialists
March 2020: After numerous MRIs/XRays, L4/5 fusion is recommended
May 2020: L4/5 Fusion performed
Aug/Sept 2020: Pain returns with gusto, legs giving out returns now painful when occurs, new symptom of left leg sensation loss begins
Nov 2020: Neurologist confirms left leg nerve issue. Prescribed migraine medicine which works wonders.
Dec 2020 - Present: Neurologist orders an MRA study, scheduled for next week. PCM recommends denying orders on medical grounds, waiting for official orders to be issued.
2011, Afghanistan, on a planned three day convoy providing bounding over watch (I am not an Infantry type) that ended up taking 11 days in total, the MATV I was driving barrel rolled down a hill after the ground gave out underneath us. Coming to rest, I had to be shaken awake and at the time was the only "issue" I had from it. But, as the adrenaline wore off, the next day I was in excruciating back pain. To where laying on my side was the only way to not be in as much pain. From that moment, my back pain has never subsided and at times when I sneeze or cough, both of my legs give out. Now, if I am standing still, I can catch myself should I be near a wall or counter. However, if I am mid stride and this happens, I buckle like a house of cards. Fun. This is also the point - after smashing the left side of my head against the bulletproof glass - that I began having left side migraines, only on my left side. Get back from that deployment, and we have a robust medical evaluation where it is determined I have a neurological issue happening and an MRI was ordered. We are now into mid-fall 2012. MRI comes back, the disc between L4/5 is torn completely in half, and is impacting the nerve bundle on the left side. From there, I was told that I needed a minimum of six months uninterrupted physical therapy mon-wed-fri for 1.5hrs each time. From the rank of Sgt through CWO2, that was unattainable. Especially during workups for a MEU. Fast fwd to Jan, 2020 and have been PCSd to a location that is not under direct Naval care other than a PCM. I am seen out in town by a civilian spine specialist and a orthopedic surgeon who after multiple xrays, MRIs and doc visits - as well as my patient history - determine that a spinal fusion is the way to go. Hell ya, lets do it. May 2020, the fusion is conducted. Everything is great until Aug/Sept of 2020. The pain is starting to come back, a different pain. Worse. Carrying my backpack in/out of work everyday is miserable, but hey, gotta eat right? Running, forget it. The bouncing makes the pain nearly unbearable and is residual for nearly a month depending on how far I attempted to run. So there goes PFTs and CFTs, yes at this point it is confirmed I am a Marine. I cannot carry weight in my arms outstretched, its misery reaching down to grab my 9mo old lol, which I have to do a lot. Dang kids. On top of all that, my issue with my legs buckling has come back, but now with left leg sensation loss, which as been confirmed with a Neurologist.
I am now into my second LIMDU, with orders - lets say - to leave the country by this summer. My PCM has already told me she will not allow that, and will medically deny me. I had an hour long conversation with our LIMDU Coordinator here - very knowledgeable - as well as a lengthy conversation with a good friend who told me about this amazing forum. Either way, if she denies the orders or I go on that 3rd LIMDU, it appears my time is up and that terrifies me. Not because I am a brainwashed Marine and I wont know what to do or how to act as a Civilian, but rather this process I am about to step into can either set me up for life, or really screw me.
I have over 16 years in, and I am scared out of my mind. The most scared I have ever been wearing this uniform bc of the numerous amount of unknowns which are about to envelope me with this process. I am concerned I am throwing 16 years down the drain, no retirement, no pension, nothing. I am doing my best to digest all of this knowledge both here and on various websites but I am getting lost in all of this information and how to best apply it. E.g., the Narrative Summary, spelling is hard for this guy lol how the hell am I supposed to punctually tell my story that properly conveys that my injuries are not compatible with military life? How do you convey pain, which is subjective? Along with that, because we were out on our own in Afghanistan, a Company strong with a medical capability that was far from robust, I doubt that information is in my record or found anywhere. My A-Driver in the MATV was killed by an IED on our next deployment and the other two in the truck, I don't even remember their names. I have reached out of our Chief that was there, in the hopes we can talk and he remembers what happened and can help draft up a statement but I am not sure that's enough to connect everything. I will talk with him later this evening, so we shall see.
I am looking for help, guidance, mentorship, and a shot of confidence as I do my best to stride head first into this.
Timeline of Injury
July 31, 2011: Vehicle rollercoaster ride
March/April 2012: Initial Diagnosis and MRI, showing disc torn completely in half between L4/5
May 2012- Dec 2019: Little to no help from Navy medicine, or my inability to make appointments (blame my lack of trust towards Naval medicine, or being unable to look my Cmdr in the and request so much time off to go "fix myself"). Leading to a deteriorating chronic back pain, and migraines multiple times a month, some debilitating. Meanwhile I deployed to Afgh again and did a MEU pump.
Feb 2020: Seen by civilian spine specialists
March 2020: After numerous MRIs/XRays, L4/5 fusion is recommended
May 2020: L4/5 Fusion performed
Aug/Sept 2020: Pain returns with gusto, legs giving out returns now painful when occurs, new symptom of left leg sensation loss begins
Nov 2020: Neurologist confirms left leg nerve issue. Prescribed migraine medicine which works wonders.
Dec 2020 - Present: Neurologist orders an MRA study, scheduled for next week. PCM recommends denying orders on medical grounds, waiting for official orders to be issued.
