PTSD from MST

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hereiam

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I don't know how I ended up here and I very well may be in the wrong place. I can get wordy, so bare with me as I try to keep this as concise as possible.

Quick background in early 2014 I was sexually assaulted (no need for apologies, it sucks but it happened) for a year and a half I was treated off post by a clinical psychologist. I reported unrestricted. The court decided not to prosecute. I could barely live with myself anymore and took an expedited transfer. In September of 2015 was the first time I was "officially" diagnosed with PTSD.

As I PCSd I thought all my problems would be solved. However I am just as miserable as ever, I'd say anxiety is most debilitating, followed by insomia (anxiety plays into it) and then depression. I am seeing both a clinical psychologist and a clinical social worker. The SW thinks its best for me to be separated, the psychologist is convinced he can "fix" me. I believe it's just for a number on his OER.

The treatment he is administering is called "prolonged exposure" and I'd like to believe it's just desensitization. Anyway since beginning this treatment plan I have felt a SIGNIFICANT decline in my mental health. It has been over a year since I was feeling suicidal and now its a weekly basis. I wouldn't attempt in fear of failing however.

I'm struggling everyday. I don't feel like they are taking me seriously. Just being around people in uniform makes me shut down. I feel no inclination to work. I don't want to be around my coworkers because some of them remind me of my attacker. I can't address this because I feel like they would consider me racist.

No one is helping me. The psychologist says "if this doesnt work we can extend it out a few more sessions" but I hate, I dread reliving it every single week and then LISTENING to myself cry about it every week.

I'm getting closer to my breaking point and no one is helping me. They say stuff like "when you pick scabs they heal eventually" and "if this was physical therapy for your knee you couldn't quit and expect your knee to recover"

I just need help and I don't know where to find it.
 
@hereiam I'm truly sorry to hear about your negative experiences with the prolonged exposure treatment. Although the DoD and VA feel that this is the "gold standard" for treatment, it does not work for everyone.

Without knowing all of the details of your case, I cannot make an opinion based upon other recommendations I have made in the past, however I truly believe that you know and understand what is right for you, and that the treatment is causing more harm than good.

Have you given any though to seeing if the Military (Tricare) would allow you to seek treatment at the VA for they symptoms related to the MST? This may help separate the command structure that has let your down from your illness.
 
@hereiam

You have been through a lot. Prolonged exposure therapy is desensitization! It is considered a evidence based therapy and is approved by the DoD and VA for PTSD, including MST. That DOES NOT mean it is best for YOU! Tell your therapist what you wrote above. You have the right to request a different modality.

Consider using a VET Center. They have a MST specialist at most locations.

PM me if you need more help.

Best wishes for a brighter future.
Mike
 
hereiam said:
I don't know how I ended up here and I very well may be in the wrong place. I can get wordy, so bare with me as I try to keep this as concise as possible.

Quick background in early 2014 I was sexually assaulted (no need for apologies, it sucks but it happened) for a year and a half I was treated off post by a clinical psychologist. I reported unrestricted. The court decided not to prosecute. I could barely live with myself anymore and took an expedited transfer. In September of 2015 was the first time I was "officially" diagnosed with PTSD.

As I PCSd I thought all my problems would be solved. However I am just as miserable as ever, I'd say anxiety is most debilitating, followed by insomia (anxiety plays into it) and then depression. I am seeing both a clinical psychologist and a clinical social worker. The SW thinks its best for me to be separated, the psychologist is convinced he can "fix" me. I believe it's just for a number on his OER.

The treatment he is administering is called "prolonged exposure" and I'd like to believe it's just desensitization. Anyway since beginning this treatment plan I have felt a SIGNIFICANT decline in my mental health. It has been over a year since I was feeling suicidal and now its a weekly basis. I wouldn't attempt in fear of failing however.

I'm struggling everyday. I don't feel like they are taking me seriously. Just being around people in uniform makes me shut down. I feel no inclination to work. I don't want to be around my coworkers because some of them remind me of my attacker. I can't address this because I feel like they would consider me racist.

No one is helping me. The psychologist says "if this doesnt work we can extend it out a few more sessions" but I hate, I dread reliving it every single week and then LISTENING to myself cry about it every week.

I'm getting closer to my breaking point and no one is helping me. They say stuff like "when you pick scabs they heal eventually" and "if this was physical therapy for your knee you couldn't quit and expect your knee to recover"

I just need help and I don't know where to find it.
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Welcome to the PEB Forum! :)

Indeed, it saddens me to read about your current situation albeit in addition to the above feedback, I would offer that you should also seek attendance at a TRICARE®-certified civilian mental health hospital that has a Military Program specializing in treatment for PTSD from MST with active duty personnel in all branches of service.

To that extent, the aforementioned TRICARE®-certified mental health facility normally have a 29 calendar day PTSD inpatient treatment program from my previous experiences when on military active duty.

As such, the TRICARE®-certified mental health facility is committed to providing a stigma-free treatment environment specifically designed to meet the needs of military service members. Take care!

Thus, I quite often comment that "possessing well-informed knowledge is truly a powerful equalizer!"

Best Wishes!
 
As a survivor of sexual trauma, I suggest going to your service's sexual assault response coordinator, they have a wealth of knowledge in regards to what you can do to help you heal. I have rarely ever heard a story from a survivor that has anything nice to say about prolonged exposure treatment, the exact opposite actually most end up in patient because of trying to take their life. My suggestion in regards to whether you should stay in or not, discuss your concerns about the uniform with both your providers and keep approaching the subject. I have been "dealing" with this very recently and it is not just hard it is life threatening, damaging and scarring to have to go through all of it over and over again. If you do not want to continue with the therapy DON'T! Your mental stability is fragile do not let them break it. You are in my thoughts and my heart bleeds with empathy for your pain.
 
Have you thought of maybe going inpatient? Just hear me out...

I'm a survivor of MST and it sickens me how common this stuff is. I tried PE and it wasn't my cup of tea, I was at my breaking point and didn't know what to do. I was talking to my therapist and told them that I needed something different ASAP. We started talking and discussed the topic of going inpatient. There are several good programs that cater to MST and for me to go to a stress free environment. I went to Laurel Ridge and I would recommend it to anyone who has PTSD of any kind. I liked it there because I didn't have to focus on outside stress and I got to focus on myself and processing my trauma. You can message me if you want more info about Laurel Ridge or other programs (Ironically enough I'm a mental health tech in the AF).

PE isn't the only way to deal with trauma, sure it's the "golden standard" but there are several other therapy types. Just like medication, what works for one may not work for the other.

I'm also here if you just need a break and chat about anything. (:
 
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