According to my mental health PCM, I was originally being boarded for Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, and Insomnia. (I'm USAF by the way)
My NARSUM states that I only have Major Depressive Disorder, Severe, Recurrent (unfitting/severe), Social Anxiety Disorder with Panic Attacks (unfitting/moderate), Insomnia (fitting), and ruled out PMDD, which he stated I have hallucinations due to sleep deprivation (which is bullshit). What do you think my ratings will be?
I don't mind him saying I don't have PTSD. That's fine. I'm to exhausted to care about that anymore. But me going insane, damn near becoming a new person, erratic sleep cycles where I don't go to sleep at all or sleep for 18 hours a day, having extreme mood changes, and multiple suicide attempts during my menstrual cycle is more than just fucking depression and social anxiety. From the multiple psychiatrists I've seen so far, they've all seemed hesitant to officially diagnose me with PMDD because it's rarely diagnosed in the military and they don't seem to know much about it, so they go the lazy route and just call it depression. My main psychiatrist thinks it may be Biploar that worsens around my period, which is still a better diagnosis than just depression.
Also, saying that my social anxiety is "moderate" is the understatement of the century. How is me barely even eating because I'm too afraid to go out in public to go grocery shopping, "moderate"? I don't even go to family functions because it's so bad. lol My EPR was the first bad one I've received, the 7.5 years I've been in, because I don't volunteer or go to school because of my inability to be around people I don't know or in big crowds of people without having anxiety attacks. My social anxiety is embarrassingly bad lol
He also didn't take into account that I have anxiety in general over the most mundane tasks. Just taking a shower or making a phone call takes me almost 30 minutes of self-talk to be able complete.
Once my MEB reaches the point of being able to get an impartial opinion from an unbiased doctor, that's probably what I'll do, if I make it to that point soon enough.
This has been the worst year of my military career and I'm sick of talking myself off of ledges every other day and being treated as if I'm mentally retarded instead of mentally ill by my squadron and my "leadership" (i use the term loosely). Since I'm not being properly diagnosed, I'm not being properly treated so I'm drained from trying to manage crippling symptoms at all times of the day. Anti-seizure medication is literally the only thing I've been prescribed for 8 months and I've told my doc multiple times that they're not doing anything for me. I'm at the point where I'm going to start throwing away a bunch of shit, cleaning my house out, getting my car detailed, and re-writing my will so that if I decide to finally pull the plug, it will be a smooth transition for my family to receive their inheritance with as much ease as possible. Suicide may not be my only option, but it's starting to look like the best option for all parties involved. My unit won't have to be burdened with my mental/emotional instability anymore, I won't have to deal with their disdain toward me, it will be one less case for IDES and the VA to have to work, and my family will be set for life. My family is already used to not seeing me and I wouldn't do anything too violent (like shooting myself in the head or jumping in front of a train) so that they wouldn't be too traumatized afterwards. And I'm writing in my will that I don't want a funeral because I don't wanna drag out their grieving. I'll also make it easy for the authorities to find my body so I won't be too decomposed and further traumatize my family.
I'm honestly sick of this shit and all I want is peace of mind. I've been dealing with mental health issues for years and I'm running on empty. I would go inpatient if I haven't been inpatient twice at 2 different facilities already. Inpatient is basically prison with prescription medication and no mental stimulation 24 hours a day. I also feel like going to another psych ward would make this MEB take a year longer and there's no way I can take being in my hellhole of a unit any longer than I already have to be there. I would literally rather die.
My NARSUM states that I only have Major Depressive Disorder, Severe, Recurrent (unfitting/severe), Social Anxiety Disorder with Panic Attacks (unfitting/moderate), Insomnia (fitting), and ruled out PMDD, which he stated I have hallucinations due to sleep deprivation (which is bullshit). What do you think my ratings will be?
I don't mind him saying I don't have PTSD. That's fine. I'm to exhausted to care about that anymore. But me going insane, damn near becoming a new person, erratic sleep cycles where I don't go to sleep at all or sleep for 18 hours a day, having extreme mood changes, and multiple suicide attempts during my menstrual cycle is more than just fucking depression and social anxiety. From the multiple psychiatrists I've seen so far, they've all seemed hesitant to officially diagnose me with PMDD because it's rarely diagnosed in the military and they don't seem to know much about it, so they go the lazy route and just call it depression. My main psychiatrist thinks it may be Biploar that worsens around my period, which is still a better diagnosis than just depression.
Also, saying that my social anxiety is "moderate" is the understatement of the century. How is me barely even eating because I'm too afraid to go out in public to go grocery shopping, "moderate"? I don't even go to family functions because it's so bad. lol My EPR was the first bad one I've received, the 7.5 years I've been in, because I don't volunteer or go to school because of my inability to be around people I don't know or in big crowds of people without having anxiety attacks. My social anxiety is embarrassingly bad lol
He also didn't take into account that I have anxiety in general over the most mundane tasks. Just taking a shower or making a phone call takes me almost 30 minutes of self-talk to be able complete.
Once my MEB reaches the point of being able to get an impartial opinion from an unbiased doctor, that's probably what I'll do, if I make it to that point soon enough.
This has been the worst year of my military career and I'm sick of talking myself off of ledges every other day and being treated as if I'm mentally retarded instead of mentally ill by my squadron and my "leadership" (i use the term loosely). Since I'm not being properly diagnosed, I'm not being properly treated so I'm drained from trying to manage crippling symptoms at all times of the day. Anti-seizure medication is literally the only thing I've been prescribed for 8 months and I've told my doc multiple times that they're not doing anything for me. I'm at the point where I'm going to start throwing away a bunch of shit, cleaning my house out, getting my car detailed, and re-writing my will so that if I decide to finally pull the plug, it will be a smooth transition for my family to receive their inheritance with as much ease as possible. Suicide may not be my only option, but it's starting to look like the best option for all parties involved. My unit won't have to be burdened with my mental/emotional instability anymore, I won't have to deal with their disdain toward me, it will be one less case for IDES and the VA to have to work, and my family will be set for life. My family is already used to not seeing me and I wouldn't do anything too violent (like shooting myself in the head or jumping in front of a train) so that they wouldn't be too traumatized afterwards. And I'm writing in my will that I don't want a funeral because I don't wanna drag out their grieving. I'll also make it easy for the authorities to find my body so I won't be too decomposed and further traumatize my family.
I'm honestly sick of this shit and all I want is peace of mind. I've been dealing with mental health issues for years and I'm running on empty. I would go inpatient if I haven't been inpatient twice at 2 different facilities already. Inpatient is basically prison with prescription medication and no mental stimulation 24 hours a day. I also feel like going to another psych ward would make this MEB take a year longer and there's no way I can take being in my hellhole of a unit any longer than I already have to be there. I would literally rather die.

